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  • Writer's pictureKristen Haskell

How to squat like a pro...

Updated: Apr 12, 2022

The art of a flawless experience.

One of the questions I get asked the most is how do you squat and pee without getting it all over yourself. Many women may not have a lot of experience with peeing in the outdoors. While others, like myself, have been in roles or had lifestyles that lend themselves to not having a toilet for long periods of time. Here, I am going to share with you the process I developed for popping a squat like a pro.

The envy of patrol with my P-System pants and secret squat technique. I was lighting fast, just like the guys.

Discovery by accident...literally.

When I was 18, I was in a car accident which left me with some disability in my right ankle. I lost what is called dorsiflexion, which is when you pull your foot upward. What this has to do with peeing is the key to me discovering a better way to squat. When I crouch, I must lift my right heel and drop that knee. I can not physically stay flat footed. Because of this, I discovered that your heel is a built-in seat which serves a couple of functions..

Sit on it!

Before you go doing this while peeing, practice crouching and sitting on your heel a few times if you are not familiar with this stance. Remember that you will want your heel as far to the right on your butt as possible while being completely stable in your stance. Placing your right arm along your thigh you lean your upper body weight onto that side. Great, now you are super comfy and stable. You should be able to sustain this position much longer with less effort than a traditional squat. But that is not all. What you are really doing is getting ready to align your “gear”. With your new sitting stance you have shifted everything to the right a little. Okay, now exaggerate that a little by rotating your right knee and hips to the right just a little bit. What is going on here is now everything is pointed to the right a bit. We all know too well what is just about to happen here, since no one knows what the hell is going on with their crazy labia at this critical moment, all mashed up with pants and underwear. This is the exact point where everything can go wrong!

Basic Positioning - Damzelfly not required, just better.

Just like magic.

I discovered a slight of hand called redirection after I got my first set of split crotch ski pants and long underwear in 2001. Since you no longer pulled your pants and underwear down around your knees you needed to move the undies to the side in order to pee. Super easy! I mean, who has not done this in a bathing suit? What I discovered was, the action of pulling my underwear to the left was the key to flawless pee performance. With your free hand reach under your left thigh and grab on to a little bit of your inner thigh meat (you can do this simultaneously while pulling your underwear to the side) and pull it to the left.

-Knee to the right, thigh meat to the left. This is how you direct the stream. With a slight change in the pull of the thigh or the twist of the knee and hips, you can always keep the stream going in the direction you want.

And guess what? Since you "pre-aligned" everything, it shouldn't be spraying all willy-nilly at start up. Give it a go like a pro. We encourage you to share this technique with a friend and help another sister out. Because peeing doesn't need to suck.

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